I just got done with my first "real" meeting with my group for a project at school. It was envigorating, frustrating, funny, annoying, and complicated. Not only are there language barriers to face, but also the fact that we come from different training backgrounds, and have different views.

I can be a very external person, and tend to take charge of a situation, rather than sit idely. If I dissagree with someone, I will state my viewpoint, and give reasons why I believe as I do. I like my opinion to be heard. Today I am kicking myself for having left my dictionary at home. Working in a group can be difficult, but luckily I've had some experience with it, and while by no means am I an expert at it, I have progressed in my collaborative skills. To this extent I tried not to take control at our meeting, but let everyone have input, as it should be. I quickly learned that with this method, no body said anything. And several times, eyes turned to me and asked "what do we do?"

So finally I gave in and started talking. However, il mio Italiano è veramente brutto. I feel bad for the way I express things, because I know it comes across more as orders. That than saying "we should" do something, I say "we must" do it. Those who have worked with me on projects know that in English I often come across as demanding, when I dont mean to be. Well, in Italian its way worse. Still, my group is patient. They understand that I'm not trying to boss them around, but rather it is just a fault of my language skills. By the end of the 3 hours though, my Italian was flowing smoother, and coming more easily. It always takes awhile to switch my brain to thinking in Italian rather than English.

Still, problems came. Not big problems, but just a matter of communication. We'd go round and round in circles, me saying one thing, another saying another, then me, then them. And finally we'd realize that we were both trying to say the same thing. Things were never tense or bad, always laid back and relaxed, but frustrating because of the language. When the professor came in to say bye to us, he laughed at me as I was laying on the floor, leaning back and looking at him upside down. my head was spinning from the Italian, and in times like this I just cant sit still in a chair.

I have to say I really enjoy this professor, or rather art director, as he doesnt like us to call him prof. He is very open, and very easy to talk to. If I disagree with something he says, I'm free to say so, and he'll listen to my opinion. And he doesnt just listen and dismiss it, it takes it into consideration. I can also do things such as lying on the floor, or wearing sunglasses in class, dancing to music when there is no music, and he doesnt look at me like I'm strange, but rather looks as me as though I might be on to something. I think he apreciates this laid back attitude that I have in his class. With other professors this wouldnt be acceptable. Things must be very professional. But how can I be creative when I'm forced to sit still in a chair for 3 hours listening to them talk AT me? At this stage in our schooling we are not children anymore. We need to be able to relate to our profs as equals, or atleast quasi-equals. :) We need to be able to say our ideas, to have conversations, to form relationships with them. That is one thing that I dearly miss from OSU, knowing my profs, having them know me. I know it will come with time, but for the most part, the profs dont seem itnerested in learning how our minds work. They seem interested in their paychecks. This doesnt produce a good learning environment. When you're working on a large project with many people, you have to be able to trust your art director that the see the bigger picture, and that they are leading you in the right direction. I have that trust in him. That's not something I can say about many of the profs at the school.

I seem to have gotten sidetracked, and I'm not quite sure where I was going with this post to begin with. but I wanted to say something about the language. In the beginning I was quite frustrated that we werent starting our projects sooner, but now I see that it was neccasary to wait. If we had started working right away, it would have been so difficult just to communicate with each other. As it is, it is still difficult. My group is 4 people, me, two Italians, and a Korean girl. The Korean girl is very sweet, but her Italian is still horrible. We cant understand what she is talking about most of the time. And we can tell her the same thing 20 times and she still doesnt understand. I'm by no means fluent in the language, but I have it better off than a lot. And I'm thankfull for this. I've felt in the last couple of months like my language hasnt really progressed any. I havent been studying at all. At the end of the day I just cant bring myself to do it. My brain wants relaxation. And I end up speaking English a lot of the time as I hang out with Fede so much, and its just easier for us to talk in English. But in reality, my language has improved. I look at the conversations I had in the meeting today, and realize that 2 months ago I couldnt have had them. Just being in class everyday and hearing the words has taught them to me. My brain knows the words, its just a matter of me finding them in there. In some ways its frustrating that no one in my group speaks English, and I wish that I had Fede with me to translate my ideas. but at the same time its better for my Italian this way. I cant lean on him as a crutch forever. Although I was wishing I'd had a couple beers in me this morning, as its somehow a lot easier to speak Italian with the aid of a little alcohol. ^___^