im finding myself totally un-motivated these days. i've been sick for awhile now, sleeping a lot, too much in fact. while im feeling a bit better this week, im continueing to miss a lot of lessons. im hoping to get over this flu/infection soon and get some energy back, so i can actually wake up in the mornings and go to class. its hard though. school is boring me, the projects arent very interesting, the classes are reguarly things ive studied before, learned before, and have no desire to sit through another lecture on history of design, or how to draw a text box in flash. the teachers dont motivate me to do any work, as my friend likes to say, im being italianized, not caring, not putting in my best effort, or anywhere near it, sleeping, and finding myself saying "va bene" to school projects that i know arent good enough and could be improved.

---but when no one else cares, when the standard is so low, when i get nailed for being a hard ass because i think we should actually try to do something that gets a comment other than "va bene" from the instructor then we dont do it because im out voted and when we get told we should have done it i get blamed for it not having been done, when i personally get blamed for the work of a group of 15 people not being done even though it wasnt my responsibility to do it, when the instructor is talking to the class about what we have to have done, but is looking straight at me because for some reason im supposed to carry the weight and be responsible for the actions of others to do their work, when im some how expected during the last 30 min before an exam to explain to everyone how flash works because they didnt listen during any of the lessons and then during the exam they get mad at me because i wont come to their computer and do the work for them, when i continuously say something but am completely ignored then one of the guys in my class says the same thing and he's praised for such a great idea, when im not afraid to say that a design is horrible and doesnt work and then get pegged as being pissed off at everybody because i dont want to put my name on work that i would be ashamed to show, when im forced to sit through a 2 hour class doing absolutely nothing because for some reason it takes 2 hours for 15 people to save one file each to the profs usb key, when i have to sit waiting to look at other peoples work because they didnt come prepared to class and instead do their work during class while we're supposed to be presenting, when everyone talks through the presentations so you cant hear the person that is talking and the teacher does nothing about it, when people come to class and paint their nails instead of listening to the lecture and trying to understand the italian then i have to explain everything to them, when the computers never work at school, when we have to wait 5 months to get mousepads (and still only at half of the computers) so the mice actually work, when classes continuously start 30 min late because the prof doesnt show up, or decides to go 2.5 hours with the other group and only 1.5 hours with our group yet if i show up more than 5 min late im told i cant go to the lesson---

...when i can continue to go on with this list for the rest of the day and not run out of things to add to it...

id say i have a right to be frustrated, and justified in lacking motivation.

its one of those days when i just want to quit it all because its a waste of my time, but i paid too damn much money to be here to do so.