I have fond memories of the movie Little Women from when I was younger. I only saw it once, and it was so long ago I barely remember it. At christmas time I was searching for movies in English to watch and decided I'd try to find it. my attempts however, we unsuccessful. So after a few days of trying, I decided to look for a text version instead. It was suprisingly easy to find. So for the past week or so I've taken to reading a couple chapters at night before I go to bed. I'd never read the book before, but tend to like the books more than the movies. It holds true also in this case. Perhaps I was too young before when I saw the movie, or perhaps it's just more evident in the book, but I've found there to be so many good lessons hidden within it's pages. If you haven't read it before, I'd suggest it.

Although it was written and set in a time over a century ago, I still find myself relating a lot to the characters, and learning from them. Not neccasarily how to be a "proper" lady, but more of how to have patience, wait, and work hard for what you want. In time, it will come to you. I think a combination of the book, as well as the time of year, has gotten me thinking more about my life and where it is heading. As I wrote before, my time here is almost half up. And soon I'll be finding myself in need of making decisions. While all decisions we make have effects on our lives, some are bigger than others.

Two and a half years ago when I returned home from my 8 months living in europe, I had a dream to return. And while I did return twice for visits, I wanted more. And so I set my sight on getting back to Italy one way or another. the easiest way I found, was to go to grad school. A year ago this time I was still preparing my application. grad school seemed so far away, and it's amazing to me to think of all that has happened in the last year and how my life has changed. When I got my email of acceptance I was estatic. I couldnt believe I was actually moving back to Italy. The 11 months I was to spend over here seemed like a lifetime in comparision to the 4 months I lived in Macerata. Already I've been here 5 months, and it seems to have flown by faster than the 4 before.

Coming here was a big decision, one that I knew would have great impact on my life, whether it be good or bad. I was restless and ready to get out of Oregon again. I wanted to improve my Italian, and I hoped to find a job here after school was done. While most of my friends seemed a bit amazed at my decision, and told me how they couldnt imagine moving to another country themselves, they were all supportive of the move. It was hard to say goodbye to them, not knowing when I would return, or where they would be when I did. yet one thing I have learned over the years is that the people who are really important in your life, will always be there, and you'll always find a way to see them again. And so I have no doubt that one day I will find myself once again lounging on a couch, playing mario kart, and enjoying times just like before. the only thing that remains uncertain, is when that day will come.

The past month in particular has been hard for me. Part of me regrets not going home for christmas, yet the other part of me is glad that I stayed here and stuck it out. I've been flip-flopping back and forth on what to do when school is done. where i will go next. whether i can afford to stay in italy. whether i want to stay in italy. When I left home I knew it would be a challanging year, and that at the end of it I'd either be so sick of Italy I'd never want to return, or I would have an even deeper love for the country.

Lately I've been thinking that I want to go home when school is done. To be back where everything is familar, I can speak the language without problems, and I can go and sit in a coffee shop for hours reading or working on my laptop. The part of me that wants to return is the part that is tired of the difficulties of living somewhere new. the daily struggles. some days are better than others. Yesterday I got an email from a friend who I havent seen since beginning of Oct. We've talked a couple times on the phone, or through the occasional text message. but nothing to great extent. I had sent him an email a few days ago, nothing too long or interesting. When I got his response the first thing he wrote was "ma hai imparato l'italiano molto bene!" (but you've learned great italian!) It was a small little compliment, but it was one that really struck me. While some days it feels as though I still cant say a thing, I know that I have come a long ways with my Italian over the past few months. It's a struggle, but it's one I decided to take on, and I'm slowly getting better.

So where am I going with all of this. I'm not quite sure. But that's the joy of life. the little surprises we find along the way, the unexpected happenings. When I came here my goal was to stay after school, find a job, and work for a year or two. While there are daily struggles, I know there would be struggles in america as well. I like to think of myself as being strong willed and independant, and I think most will agree with me on these points. So while there are days when I think that I'm not cut out to live in Italy, that I want to return to America where things are "easier," I'm not ready yet to forget about and give up on my goal.

And so with that, for those of you who actually read this blog, I'd like to say that I've made my decision. While there is still no garuntee that I can find a job here, while I know life will continue to be a struggle, I'm not ready to give up. And so the next few months I'm ready to dedicate myself to working harder at both my design and language skills, to impress my professors, and form connections. If I can find myself a job here, I will stay for atleast another year.